Nuclear Parrots and Sally

So Durth Cynic (myself) and Durth Sardonic got together with three of our minions to play "Mash You". For those of you who don't know what "Mash You" is, or have heard it under another name, it is a game in which each person takes their turn to say one word - just one - to add to the story/sentence/paragraph. The only rule is that you cannot violate the grammatical and syntactical structure of the sentence. And this...is that which we have created.

Be warned...your mind will not survive this:

Once during a football season there approached a Godzilla who was mauve. His paraskavedekatriaphobia became his greatest apple sauerkraut. Unfortunately, Scales sung badly and cake ate his mother. Football also destroyed any signs of sanity. Nuclear parrots exploded and so feathers destroyed Manhattan. Digital clocks evaporated simultaneously, timed to bubble with frozen cubes of sushi. While underneath uranium, Superman plotted, finally, a scheme to incinerate George Bush. These popsicles finally burst into atomic duckies, then Morgana le Finkleburgsten surfed with zombified Godzillas. Penguins from the galactic Coliseum chose Jack Bauer as pope. He killed Palpatine, Chuck Norris, penguins, Harrison Ford, Gamera, Mothra, and Robert DeNiro with spiny shoes and eight-legged polar squid. Spaceships blasted polished seashells over the Bering Sea, sending fishes speeding to Russia. As polygons triangulated Pluto, Earth swung through sauce, entering asteroids that were nuclear, and almost pulverized the universe. Meanwhile, Superman drowned, thankfully, without penguins and Godzilla, who breathed nuclear duckies onto George Bush. Afterwards, parrots ate squid with atomic feathers that disintegrated, brutally, Hollywood. Robert DeNiro’s third car destroyed D.C. by attaching nukes to the Potomac. The car smashed Charlotte the mummichog with pumpkins, then blew away California and new tires. Goodyear bit the dog, bombing Dallas, eliminating Las Vegas with nuclear flowers, and Philadelphia sank below Atlantis. Godzilla raised California aboveTerabithia, destroyed Congress, Tokyo, Beijing, Afghanistan, Libya, Iraq, America, Eurasia, Antarctica, Australasia, Pangea; Jack flew away, snickering evilly, to destroy the kryptonite sun. Wiping out sentient life was funny until Sally appeared with undead dollies, staring furiously at Jack. Furnaces raged as Armadeadon ate earthworms with Jack as sauce. Poor little Jack, he tasted quite good. Sally was happily blowing away Armadeadon and the universe as dollies digested the earthworms with Jack as topping.

-Durth Cynic, Durth Sardonic

Politics

The origin of the word politics:

Poly: many.
Ticks: little, blood-sucking parasites.

Software and Cars Don't Mix

When your car crashes, aren't you glad that software engineers don't write the deployment software? For instance, if:

Microsoft wrote it: "Are you really sure you want to deploy your airbags?"

Apple wrote it: "You can only enable airbags on up to five separate cars connected to your account."

Linux devs wrote it: "Couldn't find the drivers!"

UNIX devs wrote it: "What's a 'crash'?"

If the deployment code was written in Java, it would take 30 seconds to deploy.
If the deployment code was written in HTML, each car maker would deploy the airbags differently.

-Durth Cynic

Java...

You know why they named the Java programming language 'Java'? It's because you can start it compiling, go brew yourself a pot of coffee, drink a cup of coffee, drink another cup of coffee, go to the bathroom, and then get back to your desk before it finishes.

I hate Java. Or couldn't you tell?

-Durth Cynic

Definitions

High school: The point in your life when you realize that everything CAN get worse and everyone IS out to get you.

College: When you become your parent(s).

-Durth Cynic

College is...

...like getting a spike through your head. Sure, you get something new in there, but in the end, you're not really any better off.

-Durth Cynic

The Dark Lords Are Here!

Well, it was about time that we did this. By 'we' of course, I mean myself - the Dark Lord Durth Cynic - and my apprentices, Durth Sardonic and Durth Dearth. Of course, we are always looking for new recruits - how could we not? - but we offer a much better retirement plan than the Sith. No power-hungry apprentices looking to kill you here! Of course, you must be able to withstand verbal abuse to join. There's a reason why we have our names.

Come one, come all, and join in the absolutely punny enjoyment as we make fun of all things.

-Durth Cynic