Monday, March 19, 2012

Wood Mountains

I was teaching a geography class to some of my younger siblings. The state of the week was Georgia.

Me: "Some landmarks are Stone Mountain, Okefenokee Swamp, Panola Mountain, and Wassaw Island."

Marcella: "Why do they call it 'Stone Mountain'? Are all the other mountains made of wood?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Nuclear Parrots and Sally

So Durth Cynic (myself) and Durth Sardonic got together with three of our minions to play "Mash You". For those of you who don't know what "Mash You" is, or have heard it under another name, it is a game in which each person takes their turn to say one word - just one - to add to the story/sentence/paragraph. The only rule is that you cannot violate the grammatical and syntactical structure of the sentence. And that which we have created.

Be warned...your mind will not survive this:

Once during a football season there approached a Godzilla who was mauve. His paraskavedekatriaphobia became his greatest apple sauerkraut. Unfortunately, Scales sung badly and cake ate his mother. Football also destroyed any signs of sanity. Nuclear parrots exploded and so feathers destroyed Manhattan. Digital clocks evaporated simultaneously, timed to bubble with frozen cubes of sushi. While underneath uranium, Superman plotted, finally, a scheme to incinerate George Bush. These popsicles finally burst into atomic duckies, then Morgana le Finkleburgsten surfed with zombified Godzillas. Penguins from the galactic Coliseum chose Jack Bauer as pope. He killed Palpatine, Chuck Norris, penguins, Harrison Ford, Gamera, Mothra, and Robert DeNiro with spiny shoes and eight-legged polar squid. Spaceships blasted polished seashells over the Bering Sea, sending fishes speeding to Russia. As polygons triangulated Pluto, Earth swung through sauce, entering asteroids that were nuclear, and almost pulverized the universe. Meanwhile, Superman drowned, thankfully, without penguins and Godzilla, who breathed nuclear duckies onto George Bush. Afterwards, parrots ate squid with atomic feathers that disintegrated, brutally, Hollywood. Robert DeNiro’s third car destroyed D.C. by attaching nukes to the Potomac. The car smashed Charlotte the mummichog with pumpkins, then blew away California and new tires. Goodyear bit the dog, bombing Dallas, eliminating Las Vegas with nuclear flowers, and Philadelphia sank below Atlantis. Godzilla raised California aboveTerabithia, destroyed Congress, Tokyo, Beijing, Afghanistan, Libya, Iraq, America, Eurasia, Antarctica, Australasia, Pangea; Jack flew away, snickering evilly, to destroy the kryptonite sun. Wiping out sentient life was funny until Sally appeared with undead dollies, staring furiously at Jack. Furnaces raged as Armadeadon ate earthworms with Jack as sauce. Poor little Jack, he tasted quite good. Sally was happily blowing away Armadeadon and the universe as dollies digested the earthworms with Jack as topping.

-Durth Cynic, Durth Sardonic

Monday, October 31, 2011

Set It Free

Mom: "If you love something, you'll set it free."
Me: "How about my brain?"

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Joi: Daddy, what's your favorite season?
Dad: Baseball season.
Marie: Football season!
Me: The season in between.
Dad: Spoken like a true housewife.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Blinking Minds

How many times have we said, "Oh, my mind just went blank"?
The four-year-old's version is this:
"I blinked my mind."

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


I was on the computer, listening to my little siblings watching The Jetsons in the background. One character, the Jetsons' daughter Cindy, proclaimed that, "If I never see Cosmo again, I'll die!"
I turned to Dad.
"If I said that, I'd get smacked."
His answer?
"If you said that, I'd faint."
"I know. You'd faint and Mom would smack me."

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Final Tally

The Attack of the Rabid Teenage Mutant Ninja Transmogrifying Killer Asthmatic Zombie Rowsby-Woof Hello Kitty Tragic Moments Beaver Shrews.

Don't ask.